This blog is dedicated to documenting my first ever Master Cleanse! Decided to do it this weekend, and spent a while looking for the stuff. I also found a Friend to do it with, Z. Z told me that she would love to do it for health reasons but that I would have to be available on the phone at all times to provide proper motivation. No problem, I'm just excited to have a buddy to do this with!
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In anticipation of all the hours I'm going to have to kill with nothing to do I went to the bookstore and bought a few books. I usually eat every 2 hours so this is going to be a big change for me. I love to eat!!!! Oh, how am I going to do this??
I began my Master Cleanse officially at 10pm with a cup of Smooth Move tea. Before that I had my farewell last meal of guacamole made from two avocados and 7 jalapeno poppers. The poppers were in my freezer and I couldn't have them there during the cleanse so better to eat all the temptation, right? After the tea I thought something would happen, but nothing did. I spent a few hours reading other people's journals to get the proper motivation going and went to sleep at 1am. VERY BAD of me!
This morning I woke up at 7am and got my second son ready for school (thank god dh takes care of ds1) and dropped him off to my mom's house. The schoolbus is "out of order" and I was scared to leave the house since it seems me and the potty are going to be best friends for a while.
8:45am:
Got home and quickly made some eggs and toast for ds3. An important step in the cleanse is the morning Salt Water Flush. It consists of chugging down 32 ounces of water mixed with 2 teaspons of sea salt. I had mixed my salt water beforehand so it was ready to chug in my 32 ounce green water bottle from Starbucks. Something tells me I'll never be able to drink normal stuff out of that bottle again! I poured out one large glass (about 10 ounces). I said a little prayer and chugged teh first glass. Chugged = Standing at the counter without taking a breath with as little of the liquid touching my tongue as possible. I suppose next time I can sit, though! It wasn't too bad, slight oceany taste. While drinking I thought of it as bad chicken broth. Mind over matter...or mental toughness as a close family friend would say : )
I then fed my son breakfast which took about 10 minutes. Came back to the kitchen and poured out the second glass and chugged it. Now I felt horrible. I felt so full and bloated- just FULL of water. Icky feeling. Started to load the dishwasher and when I leaned over thought it would come out. Had to focus! Poured out the last glass and added some lime juice to it to cut the salty taste (tip I learned on the internet). Chugged it again. This time I had to really focus not the puke. It wasn't the taste that was making me nauseous, it was the full of water bloated feeling. I have a really bad habit of not drinking enough water and so this was an all time record for me. My mouth had a slight salt taste to it so I dipped my finger into the jar of Grade B maple syrup and made sure it made contact with all my taste buds. That got rid of the taste and I felt instantly better. Now the only problem was that I felt like a blimp. The water HAD to come out- either from the top or the bottom! Gosh, so early in the game and I'm already feeling like crap! Bleh.
9am
Phone is ringing. Its Z calling. I don'r pick up, I'm too full of water to talk. Feel bad and call her back a few mintues later. She tells me that she is loving the maple syrup. I hate it, it tastes like smoked tree bark. I was fantasizing drinking something that tasted like delicious Lemonade while reading in the sun and cleansing myself. I try to talk Z into downloading an e-book on ways to get through the diet with little "cheating" tips. For example there are certains things you can have that won't interfere with the detox process. She tells me not to do it, if we're going to do it we are going to do it by the book. Oh, okay. I guess she's right- but its not fair because she likes the syrup!!
9:30am
Feels so stomach cramp action, go to the bathroom and a little bit No.2, just a squirt. THIS is cleansing? Hmmm... Clean up and leave the bathroom. Ds3 is crying upstairs. Get up there and have to go to the bathroom again. Go to my bathroom and another squirt like action. How annoying! Make my bed and go downstairs. Have to go again and this time I do a little itty bitty solid stuff, size of my pinky. At this rate the cleansing process is going to take months. With that herbal laxative tea and the 32 ouces of salt water flush THESE are the results?
10:35am
Call my sis on the phone to tell her about the potty adventures I'm having this morning. Talk for about 5 minutes and feel 'the call' again. This time is a different story. They were not kidding when they called it a salt water flush. The speed alone of liquid and solids leaving my body is unbelievable. Its like that scene from Dumb and Dumber (anyone know what I'm talking about??). Not painful, just unbelievable. Leave the bathroom after sitting and waiting for a bit and not 60 seconds passes and I U-Turn back to the toilet. This time is as crazy as the first. Its like a garden hose turned on full blast. I'm feeling like I have some sort of super power. But its that I am a rocket fuel with poopy salt water. Okay. sorry to be so gross!
Happens again 3 minutes later. Note for future cleansers: add scented candles to your shopping list.
11:15am
Call Z to 'gush' about the fantastic SWC and find out she's eating the syrup straight. I guess its allowed? You won't lose much weight but Z has assured me that her primary motive is losing weight. I'll have to google this and get back to her by I don't think having more than the recommended maple syrup is allowed.
12:24pm
Going to take my little one for a nap. He's on a thumbsucking cleanse and driving me nuts. His issues have to wait 10 days!
1:30pm
Woke up from my nap because the doorbell rang. Fedex man was delivering part of my ds1's furniture order. Thats good because I'm starving and this should take my mind off food. I have only drank one glass of the lemonade. Since that's where we are supposed to get all our energy from (syrup) and the lemon/cayenne is supposed to be the stuff that is cleaning you, it's baaad. Have to drink at least 7 more glasses. I just am not a fan of the stuff because I can see the cayenne pepper floating around. I would rather eat cayenne pepper straight and enjoy my drink. Maybe cut down on the cayenne? All I know is I'm going to have a glass or two and go take a shower... I'm already fantasizing about food and all the stuff I could be eating right now. I read you shouldn't wait till you're hungry to drink the lemonade. I'll have to keep that in mind.
List for the next few hours: Shower- 20 minutes, Do my hair- 15 minutes, Read my new book- 1 hour. By then ds1 will be back from school. Then, I'll watch TV for an hour and feed ds3 who'll be up from his nap. Yes, that's the plan!
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